Solo Dates and why you should indulge in it

 I'd hate to be the type of girl that chooses her boyfriend over hanging out with her friends, but upon my recent breakup, I realised that I was exactly THAT type of girl unknowingly. I realised that I have so much free time with no one to hang out with ever since the breakup and I can't rely on my little minion (jokes) to accompany to try new experiences/do my favourite activities like I did in the past (picnics at Hyde Park are elite I SAID WHAT I SAID). 

Aside from my invitations to catch-up with existing friends and *slightly weaker* attempts to make new friends to cope with the void of being alone more than I'd like, I did thought of just hanging out and doing things on my own, but that was the scariest option of all. While I have no problem with my own company at the confines of my own home, I get so anxious as to how I'm perceived whenever I'm seen in public hanging out by myself. 

Sure, I've tried eating alone or doing grocery shopping alone multiple times in the past, but the feeling of doing said activities with no companion has always given me a slight uncomfortable feeling. The best way to describe it is that I feel like there's a bigger spotlight on me than if I was with someone, and that people are scrutinizing my moves more than usual with a side of pity. 

"Awww look at that poor girl eating alone, I bet she has no friends..." 

"Damn I feel so sorry for that girl deciding which brand of soy milk she's going to get... BY HERSELF tsk tsk tsk..."

The thing is, every time I see a person doing things by themselves in public, the last thing I felt for them is pity. I've always held a sense of reverence and admiration for them as they're currently doing something that I fear so much, and they're doing it while exuding an air of confidence, as if the fact that they're alone right now is a mere fact of life. (Well, it is.)

On this fine summer day on the 28th of January, I decided to stop wallowing in self-pity when I was left home alone with nothing but my own thoughts after my best friend left for work. I decided that even though none of my friends that I asked was free to go, that the weather is too perfect for a beach day to pass up just because I was scared. 

I can't ever explain that surge of energy that propelled me to drive myself to the beach, but even just on the way there without yet a glimpse of the blue ocean, I was already in a much better mood grooving to my "beach playlist" that was blasting in the car. I felt even better as soon as I stepped out in the car and was greeted by the refreshing salt air. 

At the start, I was still self-conscious to be perceived alone as I started walking down towards the beach, so I plopped on my Airpods (which somehow makes me feel better because it makes me feel more cut off from the world and vice versa?)

I did feel a little uncomfortable as I set down my beach towel and stripped down to my bikini, but I definitely made the experience out to be more mortifying in my head than what actually happened in real life. The reality is that I just went into the water and immersed my whole body into the cooling water, a lovely escape from the scorching 40 degree Celcius summer heat. 

In the water, I was one with nature, as I was one with every other lovely creatures that are blissfully bobbing in the ocean water along with me. People of all stages of life are with me as we navigate this summer heat: an old lady looking graceful in her stripped one-piece suit, her smile slight but one of pure joy as she walk towards the deeper parts of the ocean before fully submerging her entire body into the cool embrace of the water. 

A group of tween girls, laughing and chatting about what tween girls chat about. 

Two kids of roughly the same age but of different genders, displaying adorable signs of puppy love as they giggled and hugged one another in the water, their laughter as loud as the splashes of water they make towards one another. 

I soaked in the water for about 20 minutes or so before getting back up on shore to chase the clincher that I was on from the thriller novel that I was reading. The perfect balance of head empty, no thoughts in the ocean, and the suspense from the novel I was reading on shore was enough to restore my mind and made my entire week brighter. In fact, that solo beach trip was- in a non-depressing way- actually the best part of my whole week!

Who would've thought my biggest fear is also simultaneously the greatest source of joy for the week! Take this as a sign to do things you always wanted to do ALONE, and to learn to enjoy your own company and the silent company of others around you! :)