The time I confessed to my crush

Even if you're friends with me, there's a high chance you might not even have heard of this story because it's almost too excruciating to even start. However, I think I have more or less of an idea of the theme of my blog: sharing personal stories of myself in this safe space of mine to put into words, almost as if to solidify and validate my thoughts into something more concrete. 

So, here goes nothing. 

It was in my first year of uni, when I took Korean as an elective unit (dumb decision, because Duolingo is literally free). Keep in mind that picking Korean as an elective was something I thought was a rational decision when I was really into Kpop, and something which I highly regret about right now. No one asked, but I think I definitely would've picked gender studies units as my electives if I could pick again, as it's something I'm very keen on learning about at this stage of my life. 

Anyways, It was the first class of the semester and this Asian guy (soon to be crush) came in late to class (oof, what a cool boyyyyy) and picked a seat right at the front of the class. I immediately perked up because he is so my type. After teaching us some basic phrases, the Korean tutor told the group of about 18-20 students to go around and pick a pair to introduce ourselves to one another and people started moving around the room finding a partner. I'm surprised no one approached him because the boy to girl ratio in the class is literally 3: >15 so I don't know why more girls aren't taking that oppurtunity to talk to him. 

By chance, as I was still looking around the room, HE CAME UP TO ME and introduced himself in Korean with a cute smile. I don't really remember how it went down but I'm pretty sure I embarrassed myself to some extent.

After that, we were paired in groups of 3 to FURTHER introduce ourselves (where we're from, what is our occupation- students, duh). Surprise, surprise, I ended up with him again and all I remembered was when I said I was Malaysian- his eyes widened and he looked like he wanted to continue the conversation but was too timid to. I kinda had a suspicion that he's Malaysian as well because of his reaction, but didn't press further because we were done with all our questions. While waiting for further instructions from the tutor, him and the other girl sat in awkward silence while I went on my phone (also awkwardly). 

Basically he was my only exciting part of a uni day and I would remember trying to act more open in front of him so he would be more interested to approach me. This included putting a smile on my face for the entire session of the class and making friends with whoever I sit next to to appear more approachable. Unfortunately, it seems he's playing the same game because this dude is HELLA popular with the girls (with reasons, of course) and almost every time I glance at him he's happily in a conversation with a girl prettier than me. I knew from the very start that he was way out of my league but I was infatuated and wouldn't go down not at least trying. 

We had less than 5 physical classes together before COVID lockdown happen and all things went online mode. But you best believe I had his screen pinned on Zoom (I even went as far as to check if the person could see if you pinned their screen- the answer is they can't, but the host of the meeting can so my tutor definitely knows I have a fat crush on him). During these online classes, we would always be paired up into breakout rooms to discuss something and I would always feverishly prayed that he and I were in the same room so we could interact but we never, ever did. (Maybe that was already a sign). 

I probably need to do a part 2 of this because this is definitely getting a bit out-of-hand and long-winded, but I'll leave the ending of this into something positive. I gathered up the courage to send hi a follow request on Instagram thanks to the online learning and the fact that I'm probably at this rate never going to see him in real life again. He accepted my request and followed me back within 10 minutes and honestly, that was still probably one of the most satisfying feeling I've ever felt even though I knew at the back of my mind that he's the type that does this just to increase his follower count. 

Stay tuned for part 2! :)