The perception of class

When I was in my early teens, flashy brands do not mean the least to me (sometimes to the detriment of my parents' ego whenever they bring us out). I thought that as long as I'm wearing decent enough clothes without any holes, all is well and good. 

In recent years, I've been more prone and influenced to buying "big" brands (the definition of big varies depending on person and the different stages in life). I remember when I bought my first Tommy Hilfiger  with my underpaid bubble tea hustle, I thought I was classy and have reached "a stage in life where I could afford luxury goods". Those who follow my spam Instagram account might have remembered seeing my- now deleted- happy post about how excited I was about it being able to afford it.  

I've owned two Tommy Hilfigers in my life: a dress and a simple navy tee, and they were once the staple of me flexing my status a little when I was 17-18 years old. Now, one of them has been donated to the local op-shop and another on the brink of being donated. It appears I've now reached the stage where I've outgrown it and find it to be pretty mediocre and not even "flex-worthy" wealth-wise. 

Another thing that I now find not "flex-worthy" but once thought was, is Kate Spade. I used to OBSESS over it when I was about 18-19 (to be honest, I still do as I adore how classy their designs are) and I remember the exact feeling I got when I bought my first white Ella tote bag for uni purposes. My heart was palpitating so fast with excitement, I couldn't keep the grin off my face and I remembered telling my mum: "I can't believe I spent so much money on a bag!" To which she said: "Tsk, I'm happy for you but in the future you'll realise that you'll be able to afford better than this brand but this is a good start". 

My reaction when I first heard that was that Kate Spade is already SO expensive and I really doubt I'll have the capacity to spend anything more than what I spent on it practically. I thought I was SO cool and would bring it with me at any given oppurtunity (e.g: even during a shift at the bubble tea store- looking back, that was cringe). A few years down the track and it turns out she's right. Kate Spade is *lowkey* beneath me now after I bought 2 of their bags and a purse. In fact, there was once a stage where I was even embarrassed of bringing my tote bag to work because I feel like it reeks of  *desperation* and not *class*.

Upon seeing tons of girls my age flashing their pretty little YSL, Dior, Chanel handbags, I thought that THAT was the class I aim to be and not the mere Kate Spade. I remember going into Chanel with my friends one day even though it's clear to the staffs we're probably not worth their service. Looking at their bags and accessories, I wonder if I ever would reach a stage in life where it's tangible for me. I remembered us telling ourselves that one day we'll be able to afford anything we want in there without a blink of an eye. 

Unrelated but some of the things I really want now are (and not limited to): THAT JACQUEMUS BAG in white (iykyk), that Coach cream pillow tabby bag, and that Tiffany and Co. thick chain heart bracelet (again, iykyk). While all these items are not out of my reach with my current paycheck, there are several reasons stopping me from "upgrading my class":

a) As I told my friend at work, ironically I felt less inclined to prove my wealth status given my pay check has now taken a significant pay rise after this corporate job. I'm less willing to spend money on branded things compared to when I was earning a pretty measly amount working in the hospitality and retail industry. I think it's perhaps due to the fact that I now realise that these successful, high-income women around me don't need external physical items to gain respect and recognition from others, but simply because they exude such confidence with their work demeanor. 

b) I now realise that class is not actually a tangible, visible thing that you can buy. Class is radiated through and within a person's own aura. There are times where I see girls dressed and styled with clothings and accessories that aren't flashy, but embodies the literal definition of class and elegance; as well as times I've witnessed girls draped in fancy, luxury brand but does not gain my respect/attention purely because the way they carry themselves makes me doubt if they could even afford something like that, as well as raise my suspicion if said flashy items are actually dupes. 

I was telling my mum the other day that I really wanted to upgrade my work tote bag from Kate Spade to something better and more expensive, but I should probably stick to my trusty Ella tote purely because I don't think my colleagues would think I could afford something like Dior or Chloe at my age and job role. Mum agreed.

c) To be completely transparent, I don't think I appear to radiate class and elegance from within right now (feel free to give me feedback on the truth of this statement, but you should see how I dress at casually sometimes), and I don't want to risk other people thinking that I bought dupes just because I don't LOOK like I can. I'm currently trying to work on improving my demeanor, the way I carry myself and how I speak/move/talk around others to appear more composed and confident. That is not something you can fake no matter how expensive your bag/clothes are, and when I'm ready, I'll treat myself to an item that best reflects my inner aura :). 

d) I realise that by the time I did buy these things I really wanted and prove my societal status, these are the same things that's going to be donated or sold on Depop because they're now deemed not "flex-worthy" by the time the new big, "must-have" thing comes out. It's a vicious cycle, damn you, capitalism. 

One thing to take away from this is that I'm not trying to shame anyone that wears or uses the brands I've used as an example (no shade throwing here, unlike that Charles and Keith girl situation). I'm also not taking away the pleasure and pride you get when you can afford your first luxury item (be it what you may), as that is such a valid and satisfying feeling that I think everyone should experience. This is just to highlight the epiphany I had about how little I think class has to do with external things, the redirection of my focus towards inner work and my gradual acceptance towards being okay with not chasing these things in life anymore.